Marisa Asthmattack

I hate Facebook notes. I seriously hate Facebook notes. My group of Facebook friends' notes mostly consist of poems and I can stand reading those they make me LOL a lot. A lot a lot. It's just too much though, when people comment and tell them how good or touching it is. WTF.

Omar went to the inauguration ball and I'm jealous. He didn't do anything, he doesn't know shit about anything, but his cousin does. Sigh.

I'm so mad at Rob, and it's different this time. I don't really know how to piece it together. Sometimes I think I'm intellectually inferior to other people because my mind cannot perform relatively uncomplicated tasks. I can't ever think of too many things at once. I know what I have to do, but my brain is incapable. It makes me sad and my confidence goes byebye.

Hiii. Chicago is REALLY fucking cold. I just got back from Nordstrom where I picked up my winter coat! My beautiful, fluffy, incredibly warm, long winter coat that I really would have appreciated 2 days ago. The weather this past week was ridiculous. It was like 10 below and the windchill was -24 or something. And I'm convinced that I had it the worst, yes indeed I am. I am like 2 blocks away from the lake and I have to walk a mile and a half to school one way. How convenient that there are no buses that go down the street I need to walk down. Complain complain complain. I think I have frostnip on my middle left finger too. It is sad and aching. Anywho, I only had a flimsy Forever 21 coat and it makes me want to cry. I actually bought my heavy duty one a week or two ago but it had to be altered for my short legs.

Rob's 21st birthday was Monday, so a couple of his friends came down and we went to a bar. Rob got wasted and sat in a chair all night with a creepy perverted smile on his face. On the way home he pushed me in the snow and my ungloved hands went numb and my beloved ring fell off somewhere in the snow or on the street. I actually have a picture of it on my hand right before I assume it fell off. The next day we scavenged through the snow with a strainer! But didn't find anything. I'm really bummed about it actually, but getting a new one soon! Oh my little Robbie. I was planning on going to class the next morning but it didn't happen, and I missed all three of my classes. I really regretted that because when Chicago decided to become a frozen icy hell the next day, I really wanted to skip. Anywho.. I took Rob to BWW sometime during the week for his birthday. On Friday he had another birthday thing at a bar and everyone was old and I felt out of place, but it was okay.

On Saturday I went to Sushi Samba with Rob and his parents and it was epically delicious. We got: seaweed salad, calamari, spicy tuna roll, kobe beef roll, another fish roll with mozarella, and a churrasco plate with four different kinds of Brazilian meats.

This morning Rob and I went to Water Tower and had lunch and like I said, got my coat.

Rob Rob Rob Rob, food, Rob Rob Rob.

Lasagna sucks.

After I got back from Thailand I spent a few days in Champaign. Didn't really leave the house except for Christmas dinner at my grandma's. She doesn't know how to cook anymore. Or something. I don't know if my tastes have evolved or if we've always been so trashy. I'm pretty sure that's it. But it was okay, I ate. There were ribs.

My mom drove me back to Chicago last Sunday. We wanted to do some brief shopping so instead of dealing with downtown we went up to Skokie to the mall there and it was nice. Slow-moving people annoy me generally (hi Kannika), and that's why I prefer downtown. But when I'm with my mom she's also slow moving so Skokie works out in her favor, ish.... afterwards we ate at this pasta place down the street, Pasta Bowl, which is yummy and everything has like a cup of cream in it, so that's good. Linda came over and slept over that night. We went to Oodles of Noodles because there was a sushi sign in the window, but they only had 3 rolls because they were primarily a Thai place, or at least that's what I got from the menu. It was pretty bad but I assume that we ordered the wrong thing. On Monday I took the train out to Rob's home-home in the suburbs and we playyyyyyyed! I cooked Thai food for his parents and I think they liked it. They're really nice. I kind of scored with Rob by getting cool other-parents for once. His mom gave me a stuffed dog for Christmas because I'm in love with their dog Bow (I do not know or understand how a dog can be so sweet. It's ridiculous, he's soooooooooooo sweet and likes to wrap his front paws around me and love me forever. Need him in miniature size) but can never actually have a dog and she also wrote me a thank-you card for making them dinner lol. When I have kids I doubt I'll be so nice to their friends or girlfriends. Robbie got me a Marc Jacobs perfume set and I got him Little Big Planet, the best video game evar! We came back to the city for New Year's Eve. Same thing as last year basically, his friends were at a 21+ thing and he didn't have his ID and we couldn't hang out with my friends because Linda hates him now. Soooooo just like last year, we went out for Mexican food (Tarascas) and spent the rest of the night in. And I just got back to my apartment today. Alone time is nice.

School starts Monday. My schedule is okay this quarter: On Mondays and Wednesdays I have just one class, Computers and Human Intelligence from 1:30-3 downtown. Hopefully a blow off, I need a science requirement and all the other classes were physics haaaaaaaaaa. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have three classes all in Lincoln Park: English studies in language and style, literature and film on women authors, and shakespeare. I lead a boring life.

Thailand was mostly awful. It was just me and my dad, and that's the main reason it sucked. I kind of hate him. I know him well, and I hate him, and I think that's sad and I feel sorry for myself. I don't hate him for being anal about cleaning or not letting me out after sunset in Thailand (not exaggerating...). I genuinely feel that he's a bad person. I have felt the same way for as long as I can remember. It's never going to change... it's just a fact. When I'm older and he's long gone, I will say the same things. I might be a little more grateful for him being second to my mom in literally making sure I don't die or something, but I will never love him.

On the bright side, I used Thailand's cheapness to my advantage and became more aesthetically pleasing. I got my hair done for me every single day so I would never have to, did my nails, and got tan. I also got hair extensions!!! They were $50 and they're long, longer than I've ever had my real hair. I love them, but they're a hassle. I did a pretty limited amount of shopping due to my dad's limits on my money, but I got a few pieces of fake jewelry and makeup that I really like. I also got to hang out with Rob a couple of times while he was in Bangkok for study abroad... probably the highlight of the trip. We went out to dinner with his group, went to ruins, rode elephants, went on a boat cruise, got a "couple's massage" lol, ate street food, and bargained at a market.

This trip we ventured outside of Bangkok to Krabi, which is a beach town down south. I really liked it there, but I got the most mad in Krabi. Crabby in Krabi yippee! Wrath. Krabi is a couple hours from Surat Thani, the small town where my half brother lives. He's a doctor at the local hospital and also runs his own clinic which is supposed to specialize in internal medicine, but I don't know what that means. The clinic was kind of... outside. And most of the patients were babies. Little tiny dark babies. P'Oh (brother) works alongside his fiancee, P'Gay? or something like that. Anyways, she's a cunt. Basically. She clings to P'Oh like I'm going to steal him, and never looks me in the eye or says goodbye or hello and doesn't offer me food. She also did not allow me to stand next to P'Oh in pictures if she could help it. I hope she knows that her insecurities are dumb and make her look bad, and that her cunty ways will haunt her because I told my mom all about it. Yay!

This was the picture when my dad tried to put me in the middle, but she butted in and grabbed P'Oh and tried to be in the middle. Then my dad (who is oblivious to all of her weird behavior) ended up putting P'Oh in the middle, who by the way is on the phone with the hospital. I am pretending that I did not just get booted away by a tiny woman. We also visited P'Oh's aunt, so my dad's ex. I don't know the whole story at all, but supposedly she disappeared like ten years ago. We looked at old pictures of her beauty pageant days when she was Miss Surat Thani. My dad was trying to tell me how beautiful she was but she looked so ordinary to me. 

I flew back by myself and "Leo," the guy sitting next to me from Tokyo-Chicago for 12 hours told me his life story. No really, I know everything about him. He was nice enough, but I judged him within the first hour when he told me he left his family in New Hampshire behind for a more exciting career in Japan. When we weren't talking about him, we talked about writing, and he wanted to know how I thought he could improve. I said that he should BLOG.

Next time I go back to Thailand  I'll probably be able to go alone. That sounds reallllllllllllllllllllllllllly nice.

blah blah blah I'm sorry, shouldn't hate someone I don't know, this is immature, blah blah. There's this girl that I am forced to see 3 days out of my 4 day school week, and I hate her passionately. I think about how much I hate her everyday. It's obsessive. The first day of class when we were doing an introduction game she told me that her favorite food was cold pizza. Mega fucking fail. That said, I know plenty of people that like cold pizza. But she looks like she would like cold pizza. I can tell by the remnant stink left all over her. She always sits behind me in Creative Writing and whenever the professor mentions an "esteemed" novel or poem she mutters recognition and appreciation, like "ooooh yeah" and "MHMMM!!!!!" I can also feel her nodding her head. No bitch, you are not unique for knowing and loving Lolita (even though it's my fav... bitch). Your dirty berets are also not unique, and you ruined them altogether for me. Stop talking about ways that you do your hair when it's "really dirty" because it's filthy every single day. PLEASE wash it, and also do your roots too because it just makes the matted greasiness more obvious. Your eyeliner sucks. Also, your Urban Outfitters wardrobe is lame. I'm probably going to see you all the time since you're an English major and all, so maybe we should be friends, but you're friends with all the people I think are really fucking stupid, like Chrissy's friends and the fat emo guy that hangs out on Fullerton and Sheffield. Oh, when you go to Thailand for spring break you'll look even more unclean because you'll be dripping in sweat and you don't shower, ever. You don't bathe. It's just a fact. The other day I was getting off the train and she came running up the stairs screaming "WAIT WAIT WAIT PLEASE WAIT" and ran into the just-closed doors of the train. I then watched her pound on the doors, still screaming "OH GOD NO." Fucking calm yourself, because I cannot think of a reason for you to be crying over a train now or one minute later. I do like how you laugh all the time and wait for people join you but it never happens.

First of all, OBAMANATION! All the racist Facebook statuses need to fuck off. Chrissy and her friend have been near the CNN anchor all night long. Did anyone see the black guy with the short dreads smiling like crazy and the girl poking out behind him?

I had a great Halloween/birthday weekend. On Thursday Rob and I went to BWW and later went out with everyone to Kohan.. a frat from UIC was hosting something. I was a leopard, Rob was Towelie, Linda was a devil, Caroline was a cat, and Becki and Kyle were a soldier and POW. The unseasonably warm weather began on Friday so Rob and I took a walk around the lake. Oh! Got my birthday present from him. He gave me a silver Tiffany's ring that has a bunch of script-like hearts wrapped around each other. I picked it out so I love it :). My mom took me shopping last weekend, gave me some money, and sent me a Cheesecake Factory cheesecake that has been satiating me for the last week. Linda got me a teddy bear with a t-shirt that says I <3 Llamas. Anywho, Rob's friends came down that night and joined the rest of us at Becki's party... it was good, but I had more fun the night before. Linda and Rob hate each other now for various reasons. That's cool, Rob's best friend and I hate each other so now Rob and I can just isolate ourselves completely. I was a dead doll. I was originally wearing all white and white bowed stockings and it was cute, but then I got drunk and when I get drunk I tend to lose clothing. I changed into all black and shorts, but it looked like underwear. On Saturday night Rob and I went to Navy Pier and ate lobster. Rawr.

I don't have anything interesting to say, at all.

I am not set on any dreams or a particular life anymore, like I was a couple of years ago when I had so many dreams I could never dream out of my system. I'm not sure if they're completely gone, but they're pretty much as stamped out as they're gonna get. I really consider it a good thing, though; I'm not settling for anything. I can shoot high or low or anywhere I want to. I can't believe that I really thought everything I had in my head was going to play out and happen. Now I'm just glad it didn't. Anything can happen, and a lot will. Kind of antsy to see what will..... psychic?!

Tonight I gave a 20-minute presentation on a poem. Talk slowly.

I leave for Thailand for a couple of weeks on Thanksgiving Day.

I recently discovered an N64 emulator and it has kind of taken over my life.

I am glad that the English language isn't formulated perfectly. If there were words to describe exactly what I needed to say or how I felt, there'd be very little art to language, and then I'd be screwed.

I I I I I.

I got full credit on that stupid story, so I feel better now. But now we're writing poetry. I don't know the difference between good or bad poetry, so I can't be stressed out and anal about it. I am anal about no one reading them, ever. We have to write a couple poems every week and I guard them with my life. I would be mortified if anyone I knew read them, and just a little less mortified if anyone I didn't know read them. For some reason, they're so much more personal and intimate and revealing than writing. The other day I had to write a love sonnet. Ohhhhhh my gosh. I can't believe other people willingly share their poems about things like that. It's way too personal for me. Maybe I'd feel differently if I understood poetry at all. But I don't... so during class tonight I started thinking about how pale I was. After class I ended up getting a spray tan. I'd never gotten one before and it was scary, and now I smell bad and am streaky.

My mom and I went shopping on Sunday for my birthday on Friday. It was fun for me and relatively painless for her, I think. Becki and Linda and Caroline are throwing me a party but I'm not that excited, probably because we haven't really talked about it since we planned it. I'm being a birthday cupcake, and not a slutty one! I have a tutu and I'm painting sprinkles on my face. On Thursday night I'm being a tiger. A slutty one.

I get extremely depressed on Monday and Wednesday evenings. Like, completely irrational and dramatically so. By 5 o'clock I've just sat through an hour and a half of Chris Green's creative writing class. His feedback of my writing is very good, overall. But there are certain comments that make me feel like shit and make me panic. I freak out about not being good enough in the only thing that I ever thought I was really good at or that could possibly make me money or never being successful (not even rich, just proud of things that I have done): "I think you're a good writer, but you need to rethink this." Keyword there being "good." Or, "I don't know anything about your characters." "This first page is unnecessary." Honestly, the worst thing was last week when he read my first draft of a short story and just sat there for a few long seconds and then said, "Hm. I can't think of anything to say right away." Obviously whatever he had just read was totally ineffectual. Great. Like I said in my last entry, anything besides the most utmost praise is a letdown. I am a slacker at school, but when it comes down to writing classes, they really really matter to me.

Up until this point, I had always thought of myself as more into creative writing than professional writing or whatever. But that's completely unfounded and I don't know why I ever assumed that. I have basically no creative writing experience. I haven't written a short story since middle school, and I don't sit around at home and write academic things in my spare time. I definitely don't know how to write poetry, and I don't know how to read it either. I can't tell good poetry from bad poetry. The only writing I have ever really put my heart into is stuff that wouldn't be categorized as creative writing. I have never had the chance to be absolutely anal about writing a fiction story the way I have about essays. My point is that I don't know how to do creative writing, and I'll probably end up having to write essays for a living that deprive me of sleep and are no fun at all. And only old people will read them. I said the last time that I wrote a short story was in middle school. It was in Ms. McQueen's English class in eighth grade. I wrote a really lame story about my friend Allison in Hawaii who gave me a pineapple friendship necklace when I moved away. Ms. McQueen used it as an example on the overhead because, as she told me, it was a good basic model of a short story that the other kids could use to format their stories. Basic model.

Chris Green also tells us about all of the horrors of being a writer. We will never achieve fame or fortune, he assures us. You probably won't get published until you're thirty. And when you do get published, the celebration will last a couple of days and then you'll be back at your computer staring at a blank screen, trying to think of something new to impress editors. And when you tell people you're a writer, they'll get excited and ask for your name, telling you that they read e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. Then you'll tell them your name, and they won't know it.

So at 5 o'clock on Mondays and Wednesdays, I make the trek over to Rob's and cling and mope and mumble, watery eyes and all.

Anyways. Matthew Broderick is cute. I wish my hair would grow back. My mirror that was hung up over my desk fell and shattered a month ago, and I just cleaned it up today using oven mitts. Now I don't have to dance around certain spots of my apartment. Burn After Reading is a good movie, Nick and Nora is not.

Yo dawgs.

I am a sophomore in college. I feel like I should be smarter and more accomplished by now. Let me be more specific: it embarrasses me that I haven't been published yet. What? My rational mind and teachers have assured me that it's a ridiculous thing to be hung up on, but I am. I don't think I am more deserving of this than other people in my position, definitely not more hardworking... I would just feel better if I had this. I haven't even tried and failed yet, but I think that if I were really good that would have happened to me already. I wish everyone were running around rejoicing in my writing. No seriously. In the meantime, I love being an English major. Laaaaaaame but true.

I'll probably have to get a job in the next couple of years. Unless I wing it well and land a rich husband.

I live alone and I love it. Old roommate Hannah is a cunt and accused me of stealing her stuff after she left it there, never to return after she moved out. Her dad specified that I could take it. "Anything left here you can take because we just want to get rid of it." I gave it back to her of course, but we got in a fight about shopping and all of that. It's okay with me that she's a spoiled bitch, I just wish that she knew it and didn't expect others to put up with it. Chrissy lives somewhere else with someone else and everything is fine there. My apartment is soooooo cuttttie. It would be a perfect situation if it weren't 2 miles from campus and I had a dog. I tried to go the cat route but it just didn't work out... I need a snuggly mofo and kitties have too much attitude for me. I'll just wait. Next year I will plan apartment-hunting around the accommodation of a wiener dog!

Well, I live alone but I spend about five nights out of the week with Rob, either at his place or mine. He's my cute little companion and we have fun together. Unfortunately, I definitely think we have become 'that couple.' It hasn't posed that big of a problem with my friends yet because they're also all in relationships and ditch the rest of us for their boyfriends. Brandon is a different story. He is soooo dumb... lacks any intelligence whatsoever. He is also a big wimp and has control issues. He's also racist. Not even the surface-level racism that a lot of people have... Brandon will hate and hold something against anyone who is not white (but mainly black) no matter what they're actually like. I haven't even had personal experience of this towards me. But I knowwwwww. Anywho, we got in a couple of fights in which he called me a slut and threatened to throw his drink on me and now we ignore each other's existence. The last month has been really awkward, because I am over there a lot... he'll stomp around and slam doors for effect but otherwise look right past me.

I'm going to Thailand with my dad on Thanksgiving Day and staying until mid-December. Should be fun...

I'm still not over my chopping off my hair. Never again.

( pictures )

I'm on the train back to Champaign.. word.

I got a new phone. I upgraded to the iPhone 3G but I'm not a spoiled brat because I actually didn't want it.. I was totally satisfied with the old one but since my dad has the 3G it's cheaper to have the same phone so that we can be on the same plan. He gave it to my cousin in Thailand, the one that got kicked out of school for "force on girl" according to my dad. Anyways, the new one isn't that exciting except I got in white so it's easier to find under stuff.

I have been feeling a need for change in life in general.. sounds vague, and what I want/wanted is/was pretty basic. I just feel like I always play it safe. I always think out my decisions and I never do anything fun. I feel too routine and structured even though my routine is different to other people- it's the same old thing to me. I tried to take this need out in a normal teenage angst way (except it's not even angst nor is it "daring," but it is different) by getting my nose pierced, which got shot down by my mom right away. I've always wanted it pierced and I think it would look good. Somehow, that's like my mom's worst nightmare. I was looking at piercing places reviews and she started crying, literally crying, and saying that I was ruining my body which had nothing wrong with it and how I would regret this so much in 10 years... blah blah blah I have truthful retaliations for everything she said. Regardless, I didn't do it because it was *~*~sooooo~*~* bad of an idea to her. I also tried to get my bellybutton pierced.. original right.. but it was something. That didn't go down too well. So, I cut my hair. I'm not sure if this sounds weird or not, but getting my hair chopped off is a way bigger deal, and way scarier, than getting anything pierced. I'm kind of bitter that I can't just do what I wanted without input from my mom so I resorted to hair, but I'm getting over that. I went in to my normal hair chick in the city and asked her for something really specific. She gave me not that. That was bad news. I went back the next day secretly mega pissed at her. I was super forward and made her show me in the mirror every snip she took. She finally got it right. I don't know why she just ignored what I said the first time completely. Like, she cut it a different way because she had her own reasons, like the thickness of my hair, which she stupidly kept to herself. Why doesn't anyone listen to me? I don't get it. I said a grown-out A-line bob that's blunt everywhere. Doing this would have cut out all of my layers so it was do-able. Instead, IT WAS NOT A-LINE AT ALL AND AHE CUT STUPID 35-YEAR OLD WOMAN LAYERS ALL OVER THE FRONT. Annnnnyways, after I went back I came out with almost exactly what I had originally asked for. I have a slight A-line bob, minimal side bangs, and it's cut so that everything curves under. I don't know exactly how long it was before, but it did hang over and below my bust. Now it's mostly hitting my collarbone, except for in the front where it's 2-3 inches longer.

I'm also getting a kitty as soon as I move into my new apartment on Saturday. I don't care what my mom or Rob or anyone else says about cats or me being irresponsible, I'm fucking getting a kitty and he/she is going to be cute as fuck!

I'm also getting a kitty.

I found a new place to live. Not that anybody wants to hear my life story of today... but I'm going to tell it. Hannah's dad officially decided to sell the condo, so I'm out in September. My mom and I went on a terribly long, tiring excursion for studio and one-bedroom apartments today... way to pick possibly the hottest day of the summer so far. I decided that living alone seemed like the only option at this point, and after I having a few days to think about it I'm really excited. We went to four different property management places, each of which showed us multiple apartments.

I had a nickname for the first guy, but it's really inappropriate. Wonderfully inappropriate. He lacked pigment everywhere except for his lips, which were really big and red. He also sweat a lot, on the bottom and not on top. But anyways.... showed us three studios, all of which were really dirty and bad-smelling. One place had fingerprint entry which was cool.

Then we met with the next guy, who was kinda cute except he was wearing loafers in primary colors. No seriously.......... I figure he or someone else splurged on designer shoes and he wears them constantly even though they're bizarre and ugly. He showed us a couple of places, one that I was seriously considering. It was a big studio, 600 sq ft, and it was cleaner than anything else we had seen. I think the main reason I couldn't get over this one is because whoever was living there at the time had a ton of Trish McEvoy makeup and Tocca candles. I think I just wanted to be her, or something. She had also painted the living area in thick gold and white stripes, and I thought a small, cheap, glitzy gold chandelier would have been really cute in there.

The next thing we went to was a much bigger management thing... it was trendy and upbeat and they had logos and stuff. The women working there were also my age and one girl was not wearing a bra okay I hate to judge her and say SLUT but I was judging for the sake of getting to know the places that were going to be dealing with my future living space, and why were her nipples out? I know nipples are natural and all, but seeing them through shirts really bother (and distract) me. Maybe I'm just jealous because when I wear a shirt for too long without a bra my nips get sore and sensitive. Anyways, that's how I summed up this place. I thought it'd be a huge waste of time. Well, they showed me one studio apartment and I loved it and signed the lease. It's on Clark street, and it's going to be a bit further of a walk to school than it was from the condo. However, it is closer to the major el that I take to get downtown. It's still in Lincoln Park, but it's in quite a different area-- before, I was living in a residential area of families and young professionals, with expensive boutiques that I honestly never even set foot in because I knew it'd be bad news. The new place is still yuppie land, but toned down a lot. It's on a basically commercial street, which I think I will prefer. The building itself is fourteen stories high, and I don't know if that's considered a high rise, but I'm gonna call it one starting now. There's a secured entryway and nice lobby and all of that, and there's a doorman in the evenings and overnight. The elevator is not too scary to actually take, and the halls don't smell like cat piss. My studio is on the fourth floor. It's probably between 500 and 600 sq ft, and it is carpeted and has a balcony that I think overlooks a parking lot and some sidewalks, but definitely not the lake. One wall is exposed brick (same as condo, actually not a fan), and I have a tiny kitchen, which is probably the biggest con for me. The living/sleeping area is decently big, and there are large closets. There's also a dressing room which I'm really really really excited for, and it's connected to the bathroom. There are no doors in the entire apartment except for the front entry and bathroom, so I plan on adding a drapery between the dressing room and living area and also between the living area and my bed. The main thing I liked about this place was the location, security, and cleanliness. I am very much liking the idea of living on a busy street full of more students and less South American nannies with bratty kids. Also, the building doesn't freak me out at all. I feel (so far) much better about living in a small area where I can see everything, without being paranoid about all of the nooks and crannies where someone could be hiding. I'm also not on ground level, so there's less likelihood of someone climbing in through my balcony and paying me a visit.

So, I have to move out of the condo. I have to find another place to live in the city by September.

Basically... this fucking sucks. Hannah called me over the weekend to tell me she wasn't coming back to DePaul blah blah blah "they don't have the major I wanna switch to" LIES! No, really, it's her stupid fucking douchebag Ed Hardy cocky controlling boyfriend that she met at a bar over winter break, and ever since then she has not been allowed to go anywhere or do anything. So she's going to go to school back in Texas and maybe they'll get married. I DON'T KNOW. Chrissy called me immediately after she had heard from Hannah and asked if I wanted to move in somewhere else together. Somewhere cheaper and closer to school. She wanted to get her friend Cat in on it too, and I said yeah sure. I wouldn't have mentioned that myself because Chrissy and I aren't the closest friends... but we're fine roommates. I texted her the other day asking if I should be searching for 2 or 3 bedroom apartments and she said "I've been looking for 2, but I think I'm gonna live with Cat." iaeoibgjaeoihfnbgvaoeifhhaeo she called and apologized for this the next day, but she was apologizing for wanting to live with Cat and not me. I don't give a shit if she wants to live with Cat. I am pissed that she, you know, ASKED ME TO LIVE WITH HER. Ugh. I didn't ask her, she asked me. Why did she even ask that? I don't fucking get it. Anyways, now Hannah's dad wants to sell the condo (that he bought FOR Hannah) entirely. I don't have to move out till December, technically, but there is no way I am living in that place alone. I get creeped out when I'm in there with other people, and the nights I have spent alone in there are NOT FUN. It's a wonderful, beautiful place but it is inhabited by other things and I can feel them. They're not mean and they don't do anything, but they're there and it creeps me out. The first time my mom walked in there, she thought the back section was completely eerie, and she got specific feelings from Chrissy's room. She didn't think there were ghosts in there, exactly, but she thought a lot had happened in that room and it had stuck in the room. More specifically, secrets and sadness of children who were being molested. LOL this is what she said. She said this without knowing that the family that sold the condo to Hannah's dad had two little girls living in that room. AHHHH!!! And my bedroom, down the hall, was the master bedroom. The dad that lived in my room molested his kids in Chrissy's room!! My room also never gets warm. As soon as you walk into my room it's completely different from even the hallway, no matter if I leave the door open or not. Weird shit is in that place. Also, the downstairs closet is haunted and I don't know what by.

Annnnnnyways, I am not living in there alone any longer than I absolutely have to. The harder part of this is finding a roommate at this point. Everyone I know -just- signed their leases. I don't have any idea where I'm going to find someone that I would want to live with, that is available. Oh yeah, and all of the apartments are filled. This blows.

Oh yeah. I feel like I've explained that story a hundred times so it probably doesn't make sense by now. I am saddened and discouraged by selfish people. I always think about selfishness, and I always try to think of a better word. It might seem like I overuse AND misuse the concept of selfishness, but I'll tell you why. Selfishness is what makes MY world go round, or not go round. I think the root of nearly all problems is selfishness. I think it is a person's biggest possible flaw. I think people can be smart, talented, and charming but it seriously goes right the drain for me if you're selfish. I 100%, no doubt, believe that every major thing that has gone shitty in my life is a direct result of either my own, or other people's selfishness. and every major thing to me is my relationships with other people... not just boyfriends, but friends and family as well. 

I'M FINALLY DONE WITH SCHOOL. Just a little bit after everyone else... I had the easiest finals week that I will probably ever have. I wrote a 3-page film proposal and made a cheat sheet for a history final. That's all. In the meantime, I had major girl bonding time (weird) and a random, but happy visit from my parents. Robbie and I went shopping for businessman clothes, ate at the Cheesecake Factory and Popeyes, played a lot of SingStar, and used up the remaining $400 on my meal plan (massive amounts of pepsi, sun chips, salsa, queso, tortilla chips, raspberry white tea, apple juice, and orange juice. TONS). I swear to God I don't know what makes me more content than summer in Chicago.

I have a train ticket back home tomorrow. I start summer classes at DePaul July 20, but I'll probably be back before then. I just don't have anything to do in Champaign.

I've been meaning to start a "real" blog on another website or even my own but can't decide between a foodie blog or a makeup one. Food ones are really interesting and I love reading them (especially on prepackaged food and frozen meals (http://heateatreview.com/)). I think I know more about makeup, but I only have a few looks that I feel that I can do really well.

I will get around to that someday.

Chrissy is having a party and I'm watching scene kids shotgun beers on the patio through my bedroom window.

Baby llamas are cute:

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ROB!!

a summary of what i did last night can be summarized in this email to my mom:

hi mom. tonight i went to a black gay club with my questionably gay black friend. you would never believe that the people in there were gay, until you saw them dancing up on dudes. everyone looked like a thug. now im going to think all thugs are gay. there was a handful of lesbians in there but tonight confirmed that lesbians just aren't in to me. nobody would buy me a drink so i had to buy my own. it sucked. there was one other white person that i saw the whole night. and a lot of crossdressers. i feel unloved.

love, marisa

Well I got ditched tonight. Cunts. Chrissy and Hannah were supposed to go with me to Rob's party but Hannah's about to die and Chrissy happened to remember last minute that she had other plans. COOL! I just didn't want to go alone because they were all Rob's friends and not mine. I blamed everything on Chrissy  but now I kind of wish I would have sucked it up and went.

Whatever dude... that means..... O HAI THAI TAKEOUT. Pad thai and beef salad feast!! !! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I slept for 12 hours which means I remember my dreams. I had a dream that Srdjan called me while I was in the student center eating lunch with Rob, and he said that he was in downtown Chicago going on a field trip with some DePaul students and that I should go meet him. But then I was walking across the room and there he was, standing with some people. I remembered that Srdjan is city-retarded, but I just gave him a quick hug and hi and tried to hide because I wasn't wearing any makeup and my hair wasn't straightened lol. But Srdjan has seen me au natural a million times and he still loves me. Loved me. I don't know. He texted me last week? and there was pandemonium in my stomach. Pandemonium reminds me of B2K.

I also had a dream that I was friends with Britney Spears. She took a shower in my bathroom while I searched for cotton balls, but I couldn't find them because there were shelves that I had never seen. When she got out I asked her if she was going to make a new video for her new single, Break The Ice, because the new animated one is really bad. And she said yes, she was going to. And I was happy because fuck off I love that song.

So I'm at DePaul now. Move-in day was bad.. just horribly awkward and it was hard saying bye to my mom and Omar and I was ultra-sensitive and summarized the school in one day and figured I would transfer next semester lol. I am having a kind of really good time now, but I still don't know. I tried not to talk to my roommates too much on Facebook so that we wouldn't have to deal with the whole getting to know each other online but then in person it's weird.. well, anyways, for some reason both of them were in Chicago earlier this summer and they met up and got to know each other. But whatever, it's completely normal now. Our room is HUGE. I feel really lucky to have gotten in this dorm as a freshman, with two other girls that I get along with really well. The room is about the size of the downstairs of my house. Unfortunately we don't have separate bedrooms, but we still have more room than we know what to do with. The kitchen is decent, and the bathroom is nice and it's made of marble wtf? I can't get over that. Both of my roommates, Hannah and Michelle, are really cool. I don't think we'll have problems but it's too early to say. They spend just as much time, if not more time getting ready as I do which is neat.

Classes don't start till tomorrow so I've basically been hanging out with the roommates non-stop. I love the neighborhood more than I thought I would, but I wish I was more familiar with it. There's so many cool restaurants and places to go. The houses are BEYOOTIFUL. It's not a new neighborhood, and the houses are tall and thin and close together, kind of like San Francisco without the hills and the train. Yesterday we took a cab to Target so that we could buy things we still needed for the room, like a tree lamp and a rug and things like that. Then we went out to dinner with our neighbors.. there's five guys in their room and a couple of them are on the soccer team and they're semi cute. Afterwards we all played Apples to Apples haha.

I think the cleaning lady thinks I am mentally disabled. She always comes really early in the morning, and during the school year I'm already gone, but during the summer I would never wake up so early. Anyways, I'm also the only one home at that time during the summer, so when she rings the doorbell at 8 in the morning I stumble down the stairs wearing just a towel and my eyes are mostly closed. I can't open my eyes when I first wake up, even when I open the door and she starts talking to me. She always asks me how I am and is really nice, but I can tell she thinks there's something wrong with me.

Today I went to work around noon and then came home and watched a ton of Scrubs. Man I LOVE LOVE LOVE Scrubs. Then I rolled around in the garage on a roll-y chair while packing all of the college stuff that has been bought within the last couple of months. Which is a lot of really cheap stuff, and some kickass *~Emeril~* pots and pans. All of that's packed now, so I guess all I have left to pack is my clothes and makeup. Later Omar and I went out to Biaggi's for dinner.. he got really dressed up and wore a bright blue button down and pin-striped pants.. oh and  semi-pointy shoes. I'm making it sound really bad, but it was really cute. I am really fond of him at the moment. Afterwards we went to Jennifer's and watched a movie.

Yeah, I didn't really have anything to say.

I went to Chicago today and I totally saw a hooker. I've only seen Thai prostitutes.. and they're not that interesting. This chick was a few feet in front of me, and a foreign guy dropped her off at the El station and made a u-turn to leave. When she got out of the car I totally saw ALL of her goodies, because her dress was crazy short and she had no undies! Her dress had a strip of material over her ass (kinda) and then it was totally open in the back yet it had sleeves.. and she had sky high platforms on. So she walked into the station and there were a bunch of maintenance guys standing around and they started jeering at her and one of them said, "Damn girl if I was him I would have at least taken you home" hahaha but she looked really embarrassed and busted. I wonder why she didn't bring a change of clothes. And yes, it's possible that she wasn't a hooker, but I highly doubt it.

I can't believe it's the end of summer already. It's been fair.. I really wish I had traveled somewhere. The farthest I went was probably Six Flags St. Louis last week.. which was fun considering I went with Jennifer and I can't stand Jennifer. Omar even won a giant stuffed dog while we were there, which we appropriately named Jennifer. She's sitting by my front door. Every time Omar comes over he pats Jennifer on the back and I punch her head.

My dad's back from Thailand (he's fine), my mom received her teaching ESL degree, and my brother and sister are both moving into their apartment/dorm this week. So today my family plus grandparents went to The Great Impasta for dinner. They had really good bread, and I'm not even that big on bread. Otherwise they tasted like Spaghetti Shop, which isn't really a bad thing. We also went putt-putting, which was supposed to be done as my graduation thing.. yes putt-putt. I'd been putting (PUHT-ING not PUTT-ING haha..hahaha so not funny) it off for weeks. It was really hot and muggy and I was wearing skinny jeans and I felt swampy. Oh yeah, I thought only tall, thin people with long legs could pull of skinny jeans- NOT SO! This really flippin excites me, even though I got my first pair like three weeks ago. I have no idea why, but they just work.

I've bought a lot of stuff for college. A loooooootttt.The awesome fact that my roommates and I will have a kitchen and living room adds like 500 more things to the list of things to buy, beyond the basics of bedding and stuff for your desk. I haven't met either of my roommates yet, and I try not to talk to them too much on Facebook so that we don't become all Facebook-friendly and familiar with each other online but not in real life. Plus I'm still freaked the fuck out by people I've only talked to online since a few weeks ago, honestly. Not that I think they're creepy whatsoever. I move in on September 1st. Next weekend my mom and I are going up there to try to figure out the El, since I'll have to be taking that daily to get to my classes and it's really big and scary and confusing. And I am incapable of doing it on my own.

It's been so long that I don't know how to write in my livejournal anymore. haha.